SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
