was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
