Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
