Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
