Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
