Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
