She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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