So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize