you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
