Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
