we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I will be naked everywhere
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
