dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
