remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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