i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
A bitchslap is in order.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
