I wanna bring you to show and tell
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
