it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize