Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
