It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
