I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
