True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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