Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
