Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
This is classic penis vs brain.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I am one with the molecules
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize