is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
