So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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