Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
