My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
