They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
