Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize