I will die if light touches me.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
