What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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