he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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