four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
