She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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