She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
