my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize