I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
