Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
