Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
