we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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