you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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