So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
