You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize