I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
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