you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
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