fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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