Little spoons don't ask big questions
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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