Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
