Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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