So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I said "one day" and that day is not today
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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