I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
