Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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