Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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