Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
