its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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