Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
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