My girlfriend figured out who you are.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
