i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
