we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
