Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
