How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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