omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
