I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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