Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
