Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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