I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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