I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
