you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Randomize
