And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
