Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
