If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Randomize
