wrigley field is MILF paradise
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize