he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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