Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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