Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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