I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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