if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
