we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
