Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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