I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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