The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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