I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize