I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
