I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
he puts the penis in happiness.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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