i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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