I think my vagina is haunted
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
