Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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