The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize