recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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