Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
