Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
