Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
