So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
