My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
