peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
