Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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