He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
