I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
