I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
